Things are not good right now. I might be going into a dark place and I don't know how to stop it from spiraling out of control. I've done some things that I never thought I would or could do, sure I didn't actually go through with Bulimia but i actually tried to throw up. I couldn't physically do it.
I feel so fat and overweight that I can't even muster the strength and will power to exercise or not go to taco bell.
I find myself obsessing about what I eat, how much I eat. I even have trouble taking showers because i am soo self conscious about seeing myself naked.
Something has to change this but I can't dig myself out of this depression and self loathing. I Keep having thoughts of how I can lose weight.
Should I fast, try a detox diet, no carbs, diet pills?
I feel like if I don't do something right now, and lose a good amount 3-5 pounds in a couple of weeks I won't ever lose the weight.
I don't have time to lose the weight in a healthy manner. I never thought I would feel so low as to contemplate these things.
Moved.
15 years ago
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