Kizmit

It's fate. Destiny is a completely different bitch but oh fate how cruel she is, especially to me.
The very moment I even think to myself that I am starting to grow and become even more responsible. BAM! It hits me fate causes me to do something stupid and unpredictable that forces be to apologize and start all over again trying to prove myself, to myself and everyone else who saw me fuck up.
I don't know if this happens to anyone but me. I hope it does or else I am seriously being screwed by some invisible force that controls whatever is out of my hands.
Ok, sure setting my phone ringer from silent to loud is in my hands. What is ironic is it is the last thing I thought about before I fell asleep last night. All I thought was "Ok, now i'm going to turn my phone to loud"...then I passed out before actually doing the action. It was very late and I made a mistake. I didn't come into work. It's extremely irresponsible. But I am not an irresponsible person in fact I have been lifted up by my work environment as being one of the most responsible people there and what do I do to show them they were right about me...I don't wake up for work.
How is this possible. For almost a year I have been on time, an over achiever, very trustworthy. Then what happens? I fuck it up. And this isn't a one time thing It has happened once before the same incident. a couple of months after I started working at the animal hospital I slept in because I had moved all in one day and was exhausted. I didn't mean to and it was right after my 3 month period when I was starting to get praise for my efforts.
It's like every time I know I am on the right track, where I want to be at the top of the totem pole I get kicked right back down by myself or fate.
grrr....maybe i should have learned by now I am not meant to be at the top of the totem pole.
it's just that I always feel soooo guilty when I make a big fuck up like this. I am soo hard on myself that even little things become big things in my head and it screws with me even more.

How do I fix the problem of sucking at life?