i want out

I want out of here. I know its a holiday but today at work the only thing that i could hold onto to get me through this was that sunday I would be off and going to church.
I am excited about church. I want to get back to my faith. I want to stop being lazy and stop coming up with excuses why I can't believe in god or jesus.
It's so much easier to live the wrong way than it is the right.
Now I am not saying that everything will change at once, I am merely saying that i want to at least try to believe again. I have faith in something. I feel hope and to feel safe.
I don't know what will happen when I get back to gainesville because of a little thing called peer pressure.
I hope that I can continue to go to church there too but staying up till 4 am and getting up at 9am is not my cup of tea no matter what the occasion.
we'll see.
I guess I just want to put out there into the universe that I want out of here. Metaphorically, physically and every other kind of way.


Good news- i got my appetite back. It wasn't good for my health but I was losing quite a bit of weight on the depression/ loss diet.
I lost over 7 pounds in less than 5 days. I consumed no more than 2500 calories in a week.
that is not good.

The Good news is I am much better now and all it took was Josh. Turns out I needed the antidote much more than avoiding the poison.