Bad decisions

On friday night I made a few.
I wanted to do something involving a small amount of beer, wine or liquor.
I found Bear, Wade and Allen.

We went to XS a club that I kind of like but only for 80's night so I was actually kind of happy.
I ended up drinking 2 shots of bacardi and a beer or so. Not in that order.
I was happily anticipating just chatting it up with the guys, dancing, and going home. That did not happen.
When we got to the club I decided to have another drink, bad decision #1.
I love 80's music and was pulled up onto the stage by a guy I think is gay but also has a girlfriend. We had a great time, dancing and knowing all the words to every song that was played.
Wade made his way up to the stage and I started dancing with him, bad decision #2. Wade is a very attractive male but is kind of a douche bag. He just is angry and cynical. Well he was pretty enthusiastic about dancing closely with me even though none of the songs were slow songs.
After the club we made it back to bear and wade's place where I was hoping we would pick up where we left off on the dance floor but as soon as we got back douche bag wade reared his ugly head again and the moment was gone.
I made a fool of myself and that was bad decision #3.
There was a guy with us all who I never liked, hated in fact. He had pissed me off like 9 months ago and i hated everytime I saw him. the last couple of times he has appologized to me and we sort of made up but i still didn't like him that much.
we ended up together on the couch and I fell asleep/passed out on his chest. he randomly started rubbing my back, things happen when loneliness and liquor mix. bad decision #4.

I won't go into bad decision #5 or 6 from the rest of the weekend, you're just not ready for that yet.
I hate that i was capable of these things but it helped my confidence a lot, and allowed me to get over a lot of anger and depression. It also helped me answer some questions about how someone who loves a person can do things that do not prove that love. I still am in love with josh but was able to do things that seem as if I am not. That was a huge thing through all of this. I at least can understand how he was capable of these things. Sometimes shit just does happen, sometimes you kind of want shit to happen. Josh wanted these things to happen that he said "just happened". I let some things happen that..."just happened". I can blame alcohol all day but In the back of my mind it was kind of my intention.


This will have to count as my rebound.