This was my day.

My world was turned upside down today as I had to prepare to move back to gainesville and pack my car. I had to go through all my boxes that have been in the garage all day and pick out what i needed and what could be left here. I saw so much so much that reminded me of what Josh meant to me and what we had. There are now two large boxes filled with memories that he and I made together. 1 is a box of random scrapbook stuff i have collected over the years. The status on my scrapbook is I started it while in highschool and have only made it to my high school years in the book. I have worked on it slowly and every summer gotten through another stage in my life. Obviously this summer I have avoided doing so because where I was in the scrapbook marks the beginning of The Josh and Cristy era. For the past 5 years Josh has been in every photo, memory, every good thing that happened to me, he was there. He was there to help me through the bad and laugh with me through the rest.
Josh was my everything, that became abundantly clear as I put what he has given me and what reminded me of him into the second box. It seems as all of my life belongs in those two boxes. Half of my jewelry, cds, movies, half my games, half my nic nacs, half my life belongs to him. I have to leave it all here, everything that is of him, in orange park. I can not bare to start my life over in gainesville with all of the things from him that will remind me of what I had.
I always wanted to finish that scrapbook and work on it as life occurs. That can not happen now. I can never finish it, it is too painful to look back.
I ended up sobbing all afternoon as box after box i found things that started the tears to flow again.
My mom tried desperately to stop me from crying, she told me this is a good thing and only good things can come from my new life without him.
Everyone says that, it must be true. I hope it is anyway. I must have a great life ahead of me because if he is not good enough for me and I can do better than what I thought what the best man I would ever meet than there must be a perfect man waiting for me at the end of this dream come true turned nightmare.
Still, regardless of what I have previously said it will take me a long time to fully realize how gone Josh really is from me.
It never leaves my mind,his moving on with this slut girl who is not worthy of him. Them as a couple haunts me dreams and wakes me up from a sound sleep. I find myself crying in my sleep. They torment me.
The only way I am going to get through this terrible time in my life is to cling to God, my family, my true friends, and above all let go of my pain and anger, accept it and move on with my life...this time without him.

I have to stop focusing on what I have lost at his hands. I have to not care what he did, is doing and will do. I have to forget about him.
The trouble is, how do you forget the most important, cherished, and loved person in your life.

I leave you with my epiphany...The obituary of Cristy and Josh's love.

The couple previously known as Josh and Cristy are being laid to rest.
For nearly five years they survived through many obstacles, parents, teachers, cops at the target parking lot, punctured lungs, an hour's drive, and many more.
Through all of these obstacles they drew near to each other and comforted each other.
They loved each other with their whole hearts. Either of them would have given anything for the other. Both of them put each other first.
They made many wonderful memories together, too many to count.
They took trips together to theme parks, kentucky, visiting potential schools, debate tournaments, among many other trips.
They had countless inside Jokes about tasting quesadillas, doing baby talk, him as the baby and her as the mom, scratching legs and arms, joking about their faults, family, friends, and life. They seemingly never stopped laughing.
They shared all the same friends who will dearly miss them and the joy they two spread to others. The inspiration they were to other by their loving relationship will truly be missed.
They wanted to please each other and did so in many way, through compromising, sharing, time with each other, material things, and even with p.d.a. (scratching his legs and arms and head and neck and back)
They both loved each other so much neither could let the other go when life, college, and temptation slowly tore them apart.

The Couple's love finally died Tuesday August 12th, 2008 when one's temptation took over and the other's heart was shattered.
The love they shared will always live on in other's memories and in photos and memorabilia.
The world became a darker on this day when such a bright and loving flame burnt out.
May the love they shared be a light in the dark, a hope to those who don't believe in love. Real love did exist, let us all pray that this kind of love will next time be worth fighting for, for both parties involved regardless of what life throws at it.

We will all miss their light, love, and the life they could have shared. May Cristy and Josh's Love (feb 9th, 2004 to august 12th 2008) forever Rest In Peace.