loss

Dealing with the loss of a loved one is not something I should be going through. Yet, My best friend and the love of my life has passed away. He is dead. He died about 3 months ago. I was in denial for a good two months. I pretended he was still alive. The person who has taken his identity has told me many different things and they allowed me to get sucked into the idea that i could bring him back to life. It took me three different rounds of depression. It took me dealing with suicidal thoughts, possibly being on medication, and being dumped and heartbroken on three different occasions for the truth to come out. Finally, he is really dead to me. I am over the first stage of dealing with grief. I have accepted that he is really gone. I won't be friends with the Josh impersonator. There is no point being constantly reminded of my loss and being disgusted by this person who claims he is Josh.
I have suffered the greatest loss of my life, now I have to grieve. The next stage is dealing with the pain I am experiencing and the loss of Josh's presence in my life after his death.
wish me luck. I will keep you updated on my grieving process. I am going back to gainesville to help this process asap. I am deleting Josh from my life. He deserves a proper burial. All the photos, memories, rings, memorabilia, gifts, everything is going into a box to be left back in orange park where Josh's presence was the strongest. I doubt I will be back there except for holidays and times when I miss my sister. I am keeping the engagement ring because I can't bare to see it be sold at a pawn shop by the Josh impersonator.
I am done.
I pray that life continues on the way it is supposed to. Maybe if a miracle occurs Josh Eric Bird, the love of my life, will be risen from the dead. If not, I will be in gainesville and dealing with my grief the only way I know how, to realize he is never coming back.