I am sorry.

I am truly sorry. I am not sure what all I said. I am not sure how much I drank. I am sure I pissed off some people last night, I guess I was more drunk than I thought.
My hangover is stopping me from crying thank god.

It's funny how dogs, who have no emotional range, can sense problems with their masters. As soon as I was woken by the fact that I was naked and never turned my light off last night they jetted into my room to see what was the matter. Rocky only comes into my room for special occasions on the count that he is too large and it too small. It was nice.

It is 7: 30 am and this is the earliest I have been up in forever. I don't like it because I have no clue how late I stayed out. I do know that my knee is scraped up and I have 4 missed calls from corey alone. What did I do that was so wrong. I wish I could remember.
I wish I had my car keys.

I wish I had the ability to hide everything I am feeling so that everyone else was more comfortable. I am pretty sure I cried all the way home drunk off my ass and lying on corey's truck floor board. I don't remember why I was crying. I am so sorry for bringing my problems to him. He has his own and doesn't need mine.

I can not go to gainesville, I am not going back there yet. It would be stupid. I have no job there. I do not have the strength to find one right now and I am already going back in a month for school. Besides, If I can't be ok here when I have him to comfort me than I will only be worse there where I have nothing to do but think and wonder.

The bottom line is Corey might be right, I don't know if Josh and I really have this amazing friendship or if all we had was this amazing relationship that we have leached onto, Me more than him and this point.

This just happened at a bad time in my life. I am working weird hours, I am not in school, and school is not going well for me.

The problem is I love him so much that it hurts and I can not let him go. I would rather do all that I can to make myself ok then to see him slip out of my life.

He is all that I have.

For 4 years it has been Cristy and Josh, even when we haven't been together we have been together. I can not be the reason that we don't make it. I have to be strong and I have to be ok. In case you haven't noticed I don't breathe without him.