no air

That song no air is soo true.
I am laying on my bed and have now been crying for almost 50 mins straight. I'm not just crying either I am literally sobbing my tear ducts dry. Almost to the point of dry heaving. I can't remember the last time I have cried this much and I can't remember the last time something hurt this bad. I have cried everyday. I can't stop thinking about him doing stuff to some girl. I want to hate him but all i can do is hate myself and try to keep breathing.
I kind of feel the walls around me tumbling down.
I can't breathe. I can feel myself wanting to die a little but struggling to live.
The more I think about it the more hurt I become. I can't understand how he stayed friends with me when I can't even stop crying long enough to look at him. I'm sure he's noticed I don't look him in the eyes anymore. I'm sure he's noticed we haven't hung out as much. I'm also sure he's contemplated not being friends with me anymore. I still can't breathe.
He's the most important person in my life. without him i stop making sense and stop breathing.
I'm not sure what exactly brought on this 3 day weeping fest but i die a little every time i think of him with that girl, or even at work where I know she is. The sad thing is it isn't even just her its all the other girls in the last few months that he's had crushes on. its all of it. I can't breathe....